The Importance of Friendship

"A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov. 18:24). One important subject the Proverbs deals with is the subject of friendship. A good way to translate the first half of the above verse is "Some companions are good only for idle talk."The second half of the verse tells us that "The friend who sticks closer than a brother is the kind of friend to seek and to be." Any other kind of friend or friendship is not reliable. To say a "Friend loves at all times" means there is no "Time out" in friendship. Faithfulness in the time of need, is the idea. A statement I have heard many times is "He was a fair weather friend." This describes the fact that friends are easy to find when things are going well. The true measure of friendship is how well they stick when things are not going well. The Greek Old Testament of Proverbs 17:17 reads "A friend will be there for you in every kind of time." The thrust of the verse states the purpose of life is not to achieve personal fulfillment but to be in a meaningful relationship with someone else. This means "Foul weather friends" are the only ones worth having. How do you know they are "Foul weather friends"? They stick around in foul weather. Even more important a "Foul weather friend" is the only kind worth being. One of the tragedies of modern life is the way we move to new cities or new churches or new jobs and abandon the people that made our lives meaningful in the previous place. We lose a vital function of a long time friend, namely a friend finding the best in you and nurturing you in personal growth. A true friend will also point out our blind spots. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." An important principle is knowing when it is appropriate and when it is not appropriate to "Dump" on a friend. Sometimes sensitivity to our friend's problems will tell us that it is not time to share our problems with them, but time to help them carry their load. Both parties in a friendship need to seek that kind of sensitivity toward the other. In doing so they will find the own needs for friendship met and they will not damage the friendship they so intensely desire. God instructs us as to what kind of friends to choose but just as important He instructs us as to what kind of friend to be. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church ministry.

Finding Love in the Right Places

Some years ago a popular song stated "What the world needs now is love, sweet love, that's one thing there's just too little of." Perhaps we could adapt that song for the church. What the church needs now is love, sweet love. We don't really have a love shortage, we have a practice of love shortage. Concerning love, John wrote “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." (I John 4:16). We as Christians live in the realm and sphere of love. When a believer shows love toward another believer, this provides assurance to the first believer that he or she resides in God and likewise, that God resides in him or her. Love being practiced lets us know that God is at work. Believers know that they reside in God, and he in them, because of the presence of his Spirit. Believers also know that God has granted them to share in his Spirit because they acknowledge Jesus as God’s Son and because they show love for their fellow believers. John goes on the explain "By this love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, because just as Jesus is, so also are we in this world." (I Peter 4:17). John now talks about Christian growth (what we might call Christian maturity or sanctification). As believers practice love for one another this love is perfected, and that in turn allows them to have confidence in the day of judgment. “If we love one another, God resides in us, and his love is perfected in us.” "Just as Jesus is, so also are we in this world." We are God's representation of His Son in this world. We may well be the only representation of Jesus Christ a person will ever meet. How do we represent Jesus to a lost world? By love. We are to love everyone, our enemies, friends, neighbors, family, believers, co-workers the church, God. True love is made out of shoe leather. God loved and did something about it. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son..." (John 3:16). Love is an action word. I have a good friend who pastors an inner city church. He will meet with people in some unique places. Several members of his church, at one time, lived under a bridge, He went to their "Home" and opened the Scriptures with them. After they accepted Christ, he helped them find jobs and housing. Most importantly this pastor helped them grow spiritually. This is God's love in action. This same pastor told me about the love Christ has planted in his heart toward lost souls. He said as an officer in the Marines, during the Viet Nam War, one of his men was shot, the wound was mortal. He said while they waited for the medic to arrive, he held the dying man in his arms and shouted "Live, please live." Tragically, the soldier bled to death in his arms. He told me he feels the same way about a person without Christ. He said he has the same passion for a person to live spiritually as he did for that soldier to live physically. How is the love of God being lived out in your life? As believers we have the Lover (Jesus), living in our lives. As Jesus is so are we in this world. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.