Anger Really is a Choice

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. And give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:27-27). Anger is an emotional arousal caused by something that displeases us, or the emotion that comes when we feel we have lost control (Ephesians 4:26) Here the word anger is in the Greek imperative, Meaning there are some things we ought to be angry over, however not for long. The command to “sin not” cautions us against overindulgence, even in what may have started as righteous anger. Because of the human tendency to allow personal vindictiveness to permeate anger, the safeguard here suggested is to put definite limitations of time on the exercise of anger. Resentments are not to be harbored beyond the day in which they begin (see Psalm 4:4). Anger which is not curbed lays the person open to irrational and evil suggestions, and Satan is quick to grasp the opportunity. Unrestrained anger allows Satan to work through the “old man” and entice us to sin because so often our anger is not righteous. An emotional outburst escapes the control of the mind, and Spirit which influences it. Ephesians 4:23. In itself, anger is not a sin, because even God can be angry (see Deuteronomy 9:8, 20; Psalm 2:12; Matthew 21:12-13). However when a man’s anger smolders, the Scriptures call this malice. This same anger can suddenly burst forth and destroy, we call this wrath. The fire or anger, if not quenched by loving forgiveness, will spread, defile and destroy the work of God. According to Jesus, anger is the first step toward murder (Matthew 5:21-16), because anger gives the devil a foothold in our lives, and Satan is a murderer. Horace said “anger is momentary insanity.” Our Lord’s anger never lead to sin, because His emotions were kept under perfect control. Passionate feelings against people or their actions are not to be kept long, lest they break down the love that seeks to bring good out of evil. Anger may progress to unforgiving attitudes and on to bitterness, the two most formidable walls to reconciliation. If not torn down, they will form an impassable barrier to loving unity. (See Proverbs 12:16). “The wrath of man works not the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). We must make Christ like adjustments to the irritating circumstances in our lives. We must realize we never need to be in control, because God is in control. We read in Ephesians 4:27 “Don’t make a habit of giving place to Satan.” In 1 Peter 2:1, 2 we are told plainly to lay aside our hostilities if we are to grow as Christians. God’s method of erasing hostility is forgiveness; this involves dying to the need to avenge. It is easy to hold a grudge against someone who has offended, but God expects us to rid our minds of our anger feelings before they have a chance to be repressed. Proverbs 22:24 says “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shall not go.” Proverbs 19:11 says “The discretion of a man deferrers his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. Three main sources of sinful (inappropriate) anger: 1. Anger that results when one’s selfish demands are not being met. The more selfish, the angrier. 2. Anger that results when one’s perfectionist demand for control is not being satisfied. 3. Anger that results from suspiciousness. Six groups of people who are often the object of anger. 1. Parents. 2. Ourselves. 3. Repressed anger toward God. 4. Our mate. 5. Those in authority over us. 6. Others, peers when we were young. It’s time to leave all vengeance with God. Never try to get even with anyone, including yourself. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Choosing to Whom we will Submit

When we not only submit to Christ's commands but make Him the leader of our lives, real intimacy with Christ develops. With this submission and intimacy come many resources for the battle: renewed faith, which dispels our fear; humility, which conquers our pride; self-sacrificing love, which overturns selfishness; and a greater willingness to please the Lord, which helps us overcome the power of flesh. When we choose not to submit, we are prone to several temptations, including an arrogant attitude, insisting on our rights to the harm of others, and uncontrolled anger. These all become spiritual battle grounds. The choice to become angry-and it is a real choice; we are never "forced" to become angry-can lead to a life of horror. Henry had this problem and came to me as a professing Christian. He said life was going well with one exception-his temper. As he talked, he told me about several times in recent weeks when he "lost it." One response startled me. "I was driving on such-and-such road when this jerk cut me off." Henry said, with a trace of irritation in his voice. "The jerk slowed down and refused to let me pass by keeping pace with a slow moving vehicle in the left lane. We came to a stoplight several miles down the road. I jumped out of my car and beat on the side window of his car. I swore at him and challenged him to a fight. When he wouldn't look at me, I became even more angry." His voice rising, Henry added, "That stupid jerk was wrong to cause me to get mad." At the end of his account, he paused. Then he asked, rather meekly, "Dr. Copley, what do you think?" I'm always somewhat taken back at what a person will do when angry, but I'm rarely shocked. I told him rather directly, "I think you have a problem controlling your anger. And if you don't get control of it, it will damage your life severely." Henry gulped, but decided to listen to me as a counselor and someone who truly wanted to help him overcome this problem. Over the next four weeks, I told him more of what I thought, a little bit at a time-I didn't want him to get angry at me! Such anger comes from many sources. Over time, I learned that Henry's father and grandfather also struggled with outbursts of anger. Henry learned it from these men and thought it was normal. This, of course, reflects an unwillingness to submit to others. The thinking is, "I'm in charge; he can't do that to me!" There's also frustration, attempting to control or regain control of a situation, lust, and the learned behavior of becoming angry whenever things don't go your way. Although feeling angry is not a sin, continual anger leads to bitterness or rage, which are sins. Paul warned, "Be angry, and do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26). Rage is what some people do when they do not know what else to do. For many people, it's the first reaction they carry in their emotional pocketbook. Regardless of the reasons for anger, though, the bottom line is that anger is a choice. In Henry's case, he chose to become angry. In fact, he lived on the edge of anger all the time, always ready to simply let it rip. In time Henry learned to cry out to God when situations came up that could lead to anger. To his delight he learned that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:23). As Henry learned to walk in the Spirit, he stopped giving in to the impulse to "cut loose." To conquer the wrong choice of anger, one must make the right choice of meekness, or gentleness. This marks a submissive person. But what about when one becomes so angry he sins in out-of-control actions? What can fix such a situation? God's answer is forgiveness. To forgive requires humility, another mark of a submissive spirit. And when we forgive others who sin against us or hurt us, the Holy Spirit cuts out the diseased part of our hearts, the part that would react with anger. It's a kind of spiritual surgery, as if God Himself had taken the knife and removed the offending organ. Through counsel, reading the Scriptures, and memorizing and applying specific passages about anger, Henry has learned to submit to God: to obey Him and His directives. He has learned not to submit to the emotion of the moment, the feeling of "righteous indignation's" (it wasn't righteous, but he often thought it was), and the desire to get even. It's all a matter of simple choice of whom you will submit to: God or the Devil. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Dealing with Jealousy and Bitterness

Norman worked for a large manufacturing company. By his own admission he said, "I am from the old school and at times I am a little bullheaded." For several years he eyed the foreman job. He knew the foreman would retire at age sixty-five. Norman worked diligently and felt certain the job would soon be his. He arrived at work early, stayed late, and produced more than any man in the plant. When the big day came to choose a new foreman, though, Norman was passed over for someone much younger; in fact, a recent hire. "They brought in a runny-nose college graduate to do a man's job," Norman told me. Some of the adjectives he used to describe the new foreman and the decision are unprintable. Norman had learned the company chose to computerize some of the machinery as the old foreman retired. That resulted in the need for a man with computer training as well as people skills (which I discerned Norman lacked). Norman became jealous of and bitter toward the new foreman. His bitterness didn't stop there. He also became bitter toward the Lord. He resigned his Sunday school teaching position, asked to be taken off the deacon board, and quit reading the Bible. "How do you like those apples?" he said as he finished telling me his story. I answered his question with a question: "Norman, where is God in all of this?" I waited in silence for several seconds. Norman seemed to calm down and really think about the question. "I pushed Him out!" he finally answered. "Are you willing to invite Him back in?" He paused. Then with tears in his eyes, he answered, "Yes!" Norman confessed his sin of bitterness, pride, and desiring control of his life. He then asked the Lord to take back the ground the enemy had been given through his sin. Norman was now willing to reason scripturally. He admitted that he wouldn't fit the foreman job, but he desired the prestige, title, and power he thought it would bring to him. He could now clearly see God's protection in keeping him from getting a job that would lead to frustration and eventual failure. Norman could also see that what God intended for spiritual development the enemy attempted us use for destruction through bitterness. Norman learned a whole new appreciation for the armor of God. He says, "My favorite part is the shield of faith. It puts out those burning arrows that Satan shoots at my heart." Today Norman is serving the Lord with a new excitement because joy and peace have replaced the bitterness in his heart. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Sweet Vengeance

"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves: but give place unto wrath, for it is written, vengeance belongs to me, I will repay, says the Lord." (Romans 12:20). The desire to get even has no place in the life of the believer. Christ gave the example; His followers are to forgive even as He forgave them (Colossians 3:13). There are those who will treat a Christian unkindly and often with purpose, and to retaliate is a natural response. But to turn the other cheek, to go the second mile, is Christlike. This kind of living can only be done through the filling and power of the Holy Spirit. The believer is to do his best to live at peace with all men and avoid giving offense to any. Rather than avenge himself of unjust attacks, he is to return good for evil. Any thought of taking revenge must be banished from the mind. Opposition, persecution, and hatred are to be repaid positively with good. Scripture makes it clear that revenge belongs to God, and to Him alone. God's way a avenging is infinitely better for all concerned and brings glory to Himself. As Christians we need to realize we live in a moral universe that is under the authority of God. We must not play God by seeking revenge for personal affronts. God has His way of dealing with offenders either through governmental authority (13:4) or in the final judgment. When we avoid avenging ourselves and return good for evil, we give God an opportunity to work. When we take revenge into our own hands we are apt to find that at the last it produces bitter fruit. When God avenges wrong it is not done with a retaliation which is so representative of human scheming. God avenges wrong with perfect equity and justice. For the Christian this is called Kingdom living. When it come to vengeance, remember He is God and you are not. Dr. Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.