Grace and Truth Applied

The great deceiver ultimately wants to rob us of the power of grace and truth in our lives. Thus, he attacks our minds and emotions, looking for a place in our lives where he might gain a foothold. For instance, he will pressure us to become proud about certain accomplishments, talents, or physical aspects of our bodies. This pride opens the door to an attack on individual problems and practices that don't please God, such as prejudice, hatred, anger, jealousy, envy, lust, and numerous other things. Because of pride, we refuse to acknowledge the sin, and because of the sin we lose our reputation and perhaps even our careers, marriages, and so forth. It's then people come to me and say, "please fix it!" To "fix it," I have to go back to the bedrock problems that started the whole thing, then lead them to confess their pride, repair their character and make restitution for their sins. For many people, this is difficult to the point that they rail in anger at me, saying there has to be another way. In robbing us of grace and truth, the Evil One uses a bitter heart as easily as he uses as proud one. In 1979, during my first pastorate, I was called to the bedside of an elderly man I'll call Nelson. He claimed to have made a profession of faith as a young man, and he attended all the services of the church. But Nelson had the reputation of being the most bitter man in town. Nelson was dying, and the doctor said he would not live through the night. When I approached his bed in the intensive care unit, he called me over to his side and said, "Let me tell you about my no-good, worthless, rotten brother-in-law. I listened sadly as the story spilled out. "In 1929 I had a brand-new Model A Ford car. Back in those days we did not use antifreeze, we used alcohol. Being in a northern state, it was the fall of that year when we needed it. Alcohol was expensive, so I put water in the radiator until I could afford the alcohol. My brother-in-law wanted to borrow the car. I asked him to drain not only the radiator but also the engine block when he finished driving that night (he was taking the car home), because if it froze it would crack the block. "That worthless, no-good brother-in-law drained the radiator, but he did not drain the block because he was too lazy. It froze that night and cracked the block. He brought that new car back to me with the block leaking, laughed about it, and would not pay to have it welded." His brother-in-law had been unfair and perhaps mean-spirited, but I was astonished that this event, which had happened fifty years earlier, was the cause of all this bitterness. Yet as he told that story, the bitterness recked from him like some just-released poison gas. For fifty years, his hatred and anger had consumed him. At that time, my understanding of warfare was next to nothing. But I did do this: I asked him to please consider forgiving his brother-in-law. He refused, and to the best of my knowledge I don't believe he did before he died. Now you might say, "What does this have to do with warfare?" Answer, bitterness can burn in a person's soul for fifty years. Something that should have been forgiven the day it happened, all over something that cost a few dollars to repair. That vehicle in time went to the junk yard to rust. That vehicle really did not matter in an ultimate sense. But it had become an occasion of bitterness that destroyed the joy of a man's life for fifty years. In warfare, the enemy does not care what it takes to get our focus off of Jesus. He uses whatever works for his evil purpose; in this case all it took was a cracked engine block. I plead with you: If you are bitter toward anyone on earth-forgive that person. Release him or her to the Lord. Ask God to forgive you of your bitterness and unforgiveness. Ask God to take back the ground emu have given to the enemy and allow the Lord Jesus Christ to set you free. It's the only way. God will work a miracle in your soul when you do. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Choosing how to Respond

We have a real choice in how we respond to the daily situations of life. Many Christians exclude God and make terrible decisions when the circumstances of life intrude on them. Our lives can go from wondrous to disastrous in a moment, and we do not respond well. A parent has died. You've lost your job. You've learned a good friend is dying of cancer. How do you respond to such tough developments? Many Christians choose to respond by blaming God. They feel that God has "messed up" their happy lives like some kind of divine Grinch. Thus, when they face trouble, they have a true choice: to go God's way or their own. Some people refuse to go God's way, saying, "His way isn't practical" or, "It doesn't make sense." Some argue, "God's way is too hard." Thus, they reject God's directive. They exclude or ignore God in their decision making. You can be sure Satan will jump in at that point with his own alternative. How can we move in the direction of choosing God's answers for our problems? Through doing two things: knowing God and talking to Him daily. Almost every client I have counseled did not know who God truly, is. The enemy had distorted their perception of who God is; he still does that. In fact, every lie of the enemy is a distortion of either God's Word or His person. Furthermore, most clients I've counseled did not have a prayer life. People who drift away from God are never prayer warriors. They have replaced dependence on God with self-sufficiency, thinking they are masters of their own destinies-a big lie of the enemy that leads to prayerlessness. To counteract such lies, I try to help counselees build into their lives two resources: (1) a knowledge of who: God truly is, and (2) a dynamic prayer life. As we lay this twofold foundation, God fortifies us for the day of battle. The harsh situation you may be in may not be your choice; but your response is. The truth is that we have a choice about how we react in every situation. We can choose to trust God or blame Him; we can go His way our our way. But we are never "forced by circumstances" into some action. We can and must choose to trust God. Carol's problem reflects the unwillingness to let God control her life because she did not know Him well. She struggled with a sleeping disorder for twenty years and eventually ended up in a mental hospital, diagnosed as being schizophrenic. A doctor placed her on anti psychotic drugs, but after years of medication, another doctor said she was misdiagnosed; she had a bipolar dysfunction. When Carol changed churches, she learned her root problem might be spiritual. She told her minister about her treatments and the changed diagnosis. "My new pastor shared with me that mental illnesses may be real, but sometimes they are the results of harboring sin, bitterness, etc., in one's heart." At that point this pastor referred her to me. Carol waited several months for an appointment, and during that time the Lord began working in her life. Before her visit she sensed God leading her to a number of verses. One from Deuteronomy 10:12 was an eye-opener: "What does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul." During our first session, Carol was open and revealed her childhood experiences of sexual abuse. Carol felt justified anger toward the people who had hurt her and believed that anger, a form of revenge, was right. In the process of our sessions, God revealed this lie the Evil One had placed in her heart. At first, though, she struggled. Because of her childhood abuse, she felt a deep-seated anger toward God. In time, Carol forgave her mother and a number of other people. She repented of her anger and hatred toward those who had offended and abused her. And she repented of her anger toward God and for doubting God's willingness to keep His word. The morning after our session in which she'd expressed and done these acts, Carol told me "My time in the Word was sweet, God gave me a special verse. "Many a time they have afflicted me from my youth; yet they have not prevailed against me" (Psalm 129:2). The next week an issue between Carol and me came up. She felt I spent too much time teaching her about the issues of repentance and forgiveness and she became angry with me. That evening she attended a mid-week church service and heard her pastor say "When you are under pressure the real you comes out. Your choices reveal what you really believe. True repentance results in a change of heart, not just some modification of your behavior." Carol sat there stunned. Had the real Carol shown herself in her seeking to perform for God? Was doing the things to impress Him what really mattered her her? Was control the thing she always had to have in order to feel safe? That night, Carol repented of wanting to control every situation. She sensed God's forgiveness and for the first time she felt truly free. She had learned to accept doing things God's way, not her way. Later she wrote me about what she was learning through her times in the Scriptures and prayer: "God is teaching me how to die to self and surrender to Christ daily, I am learning in a new way that God is sovereign and in control....I have learned to allow Christ to live His life through mine. The Lord will continue to enable me to over come bitterness and anger in my life. Praise God, for only He could set me free. Carol saw for the first time that following God's way through her Scripture and prayer time fulfilled her. By submitting to Him, she would enter into His plan and live out the reality of life in Christ that she had always wanted. I marvel that God's Word and power can cause such amazing changes in as person's life. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Choosing our Focus

We have the responsibility to choose our focus. We can choose to focus on others. Satan desires that we focus on ourselves. In spiritual warfare, we often find the battle ground to be the temptation to please ourselves. Kevin began talking before he came through the doorway. "My wife is bitter toward me to the point where she even quit reading her Bible." As his story fell from his lips, his previous statement began to make sense. A job transfer sent him to a state where his wife for years had longed to live. He was the first to relocate to the area and he began looking for a house to buy. He found what he thought was the perfect house; he had his wife fly in to look at the home, and she fell in love with it. In her mind she had already arranged the furniture when he suddenly had a change of mind. He decided it would be better to rent a house and look around for a while. After a year in a rental home the house sold out from under them. For the next three months they split up the family with relatives while Kevin looked for another rental house. As Kevin and I talked, what became most apparent was the fact that he had raised expectations in his wife's heart and then shattered them. He had "sold" her on the idea that his dream house would be where they would live out their lives. I quoted the proverb "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Proverbs 13:12). I also told him that he was responsible to honor his wife. In this case, his refusal to provide a decent home to live in was dishonoring to her. As I spoke, the Lord brought to his mind other times he had done the same thing. His marriage was marked by broken promises and looking out for himself. The Holy Spirit led Kevin to repent of his sin and later to ask his wife's forgiveness. They went house hunting the next week. She is now a content woman in a house that meets her family's needs. He is a happy husband who has the respect of his wife and family. The enemy's lie was "You can change your mind and she will understand. It won't matter what you promised her; after all, you are her leader, and your wishes rule." God's truth is "He who swears to his own hurt and does not change...shall never be moved" )Psalm 15:4-5). Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Real Choices in the Real Battle

Willie approached me one day as I was leaving my office and said, "Please, we have to talk." One glance told me he hadn't slept well for days. His face was drawn and his eyes were bloodshot. As soon as we closed my office door, Willie's story unfolded. His father and he had begun a construction company fifteen years earlier. The father was to be the senior partner, but, Willie noted, "everything would be split fifty-fifty. I have worked hard and the company has prospered. The net worth is over a half-million dollars." Then, Willie explained, financial upheaval came, shaking the company and their relationship. "My father has recently made some bad investments and he is on the verge of bankruptcy. Last week he informed me that I was fired and the construction company was his sole property. You see, selling the company is the only way he can remain financially solvent. The real kicker is, he not only wants my half of the company, but he also wants the registration to several pieces of equipment that I bought out of my pocket. He now denies that we ever agreed on the partnership. He insists that I was only his employee, and he is threatening a lawsuit if he doesn't get the equipment." It's amazing what parents will sometimes do to their children. But it's not uncommon. Willie continued, "I am so angry, I kicked my dog and yelled at my wife and children. I can't sleep and I feel like choking my father. What can I do?" Willie was at a crossroads and had to make a choice. He was leaning toward hating his father; already he felt estranged. In his heart he felt his attitude was wrong. But what could he do? Willie had recognized a biblical principle: Choices begin with our thoughts. Evil always plants its seeds in the thoughts, then nurtures them so that they take root in the heart (James 1:13-15). What we think about, what we meditate on, what we dwell on will determine what choices we make at crucial points during the day. Jesus Himself warned of the relationship. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornication's, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit..." (Mark 7:21-22). How does that work in our lives? If we (as men) look on women, imagining them with their clothes off (or even think of tearing off their clothing) and ravishing them, it's quite possible we could make the damaging choice to commit rape or adultery, look at pornographic images, or even treat our wives as lust objects. Similarly, if a woman envies another woman's fancy clothing, possessions, or attractive husband, this could lead to hatred, ill will, theft, and thoughts of adultery. Such devices are the tactics of the enemy. He will do anything to build a stronghold in our minds through our thinking. What choices, then, do we have when we begin to have selfish thoughts? How can we respond and resist temptations that come from within and are fed by Satan? That, in essence, was Willie's question. The first choice is to seek and heed wise counsel. We are not at the mercy of fate, or ill circumstances, or even our own stupidity. No, we can choose, when difficulties strike, to seek out help from relatives, church members, and others. This is an amazingly helpful resource that many people overlook. They say things like, "I have no choice about what to do." Or, "I'm caught! I can't go any way that is good!" But often, God opens up vistas we never considered, simply by our finding wise counselors-friends, pastors, or even actual counselors like myself. Rarely does God allow situations to come into our lives in which there are virtually no options. When Wille looked at me through bloodshot eyes and asked, "What can I do?" I admit that my first response to his predicament was to close my eyes and shake my head. This was difficult. Sitting up in my chair, I questions Willie on his ability to support his family. He was happy to report that the day after he was "fired" by his dad, he started another job with a ten-dollar-per-hour increase in pay. "How much are peace of mind and the ability to sleep worth to you, Willie?" "Priceless," he answered immediately. I thought of Willies buying equipment for the company and of his father threatening a lawsuit. Then I chose to remind Willie of the following words of Jesus: "If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also" ( Matthew 5:40). I explained that there has been misapplication and abuse of this verse, but I believed it applied in Willie's case. I even suggested that Willie sign over an extra trust to his father-which he said he no longer needed-to fulfill the "let him have your cloak also" part. Willie pondered, prayed, and then called his wife and explained the proposal. She wholeheartedly agreed this was God's will. Willie forgave his dad, repented of his anger and bitterness, and signed over the equipment. The peace of God poured into his heart, and the love of the Lord was reestablished in his life. Today Willie is happy, his wife and children live in a peaceful home, and even his dog is grateful. Willie's father's health broke in less than a year, and he is confined to a nursing home. What was the devil's lie in this situation? The great deceiver had said "Willie, fight for what is yours. You earned it. Don't back down; you have a right to be angry and bitter. Get your dad." In contrast, God's truth was "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:330. Willie confronted the temptation to "get" his dad. True, he has not regained the money he lost, but he has kept his peace, his joy, and his life, and his walk with God. What could be more precious than that? Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Dealing with Jealousy and Bitterness

Norman worked for a large manufacturing company. By his own admission he said, "I am from the old school and at times I am a little bullheaded." For several years he eyed the foreman job. He knew the foreman would retire at age sixty-five. Norman worked diligently and felt certain the job would soon be his. He arrived at work early, stayed late, and produced more than any man in the plant. When the big day came to choose a new foreman, though, Norman was passed over for someone much younger; in fact, a recent hire. "They brought in a runny-nose college graduate to do a man's job," Norman told me. Some of the adjectives he used to describe the new foreman and the decision are unprintable. Norman had learned the company chose to computerize some of the machinery as the old foreman retired. That resulted in the need for a man with computer training as well as people skills (which I discerned Norman lacked). Norman became jealous of and bitter toward the new foreman. His bitterness didn't stop there. He also became bitter toward the Lord. He resigned his Sunday school teaching position, asked to be taken off the deacon board, and quit reading the Bible. "How do you like those apples?" he said as he finished telling me his story. I answered his question with a question: "Norman, where is God in all of this?" I waited in silence for several seconds. Norman seemed to calm down and really think about the question. "I pushed Him out!" he finally answered. "Are you willing to invite Him back in?" He paused. Then with tears in his eyes, he answered, "Yes!" Norman confessed his sin of bitterness, pride, and desiring control of his life. He then asked the Lord to take back the ground the enemy had been given through his sin. Norman was now willing to reason scripturally. He admitted that he wouldn't fit the foreman job, but he desired the prestige, title, and power he thought it would bring to him. He could now clearly see God's protection in keeping him from getting a job that would lead to frustration and eventual failure. Norman could also see that what God intended for spiritual development the enemy attempted us use for destruction through bitterness. Norman learned a whole new appreciation for the armor of God. He says, "My favorite part is the shield of faith. It puts out those burning arrows that Satan shoots at my heart." Today Norman is serving the Lord with a new excitement because joy and peace have replaced the bitterness in his heart. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

The Power of Forgiveness

What about the circumstances of life when bad things happen to "good" people? Frequently, the Lord does things that stretch my understanding of who He is and how He works. But in Christ we gain the ultimate picture of God; not an answer man, but a man who answers when the need arises. His answers, though, are not always what we expect. He gives us the wisdom and power to deal with our troubles; He does not always tell us why the troubles happened in the first place. For good reason Sally could not understand why men had raped her many times during her early teens. But an abusive father participated and even permitted it (by his friends), and a passive wife, fearful of losing her marriage, ignored it. Even Sally's older brothers had attacked her. The anguish of Sally's vain attempts to resist, of the physical and emotional pain that followed, showed in the tears pouring down her checks as she described the horrors. Now in her forties, her life felt shattered. She wanted inner wholeness from the very depth of her being, but that wholeness seemed to elude her. What I am about to say is something that doesn't often happen until several counseling sessions have taken place. It's also something that most counselees rebel against deeply. I never offer it lightly, nor as a panacea that will supposedly cure everything. But at times, I see it as the essential ingredient for spiritual health. It's the issue of forgiveness. In many cases, the things separating a Christian from God's peace is a simple act of forgiveness, wiping the slate of an abuser or tormentor clean. That's not to give the offender an easy way out, but to lead the counselee to find true freedom and to honor God by keeping His command that we forgive others. I have never found an easy way to say it to anyone, because often the horrors some people have perpetrated on others are truly unconscionable. But that is probably why forgiveness is the only way out-because no amount of restitution, confession of sin, or "doing good to make up for the bad" can rebuild a wounded soul. As my counseling session with Sally progressed, I decided to open up the issue of forgiveness. In Sally's case, one of her abusers was her father. I knew this would make forgiveness especially difficult. But I tried to say as gently as I could, "I believe the only way you can truly find freedom and peace in the midst of this atrocity is to forgive your father first." Sally immediately screamed, "I can't forgive him, what he did was awful." After I calmed her down, we talked about this a length and her response remained the same. I wasn't sure what to do, but she knew Jesus and I did, too. I have learned in such situations that having Jesus at our right hand is the greatest source of help, hope, and healing. He is truly the "Wonderful Counselor" of Isaiah 9:6. Thus, in counseling, I sometimes just try to introduce the counselee to (or remind the counselee of) this friend. With Sally, I stopped and simply prayed aloud, "Lord Jesus, please show my sister how she can forgive those who have so deeply wounded her." I have seen Jesus care for such people in a deeply tender and personal way beyond anything I could conjure up with words. In the moments that followed my prayer, the Lord spoke to Sally's heart and directed her attention to the wonderful truth that He understands us even when we don't, as He did with Paul in the story of the thorn in his flesh (see 2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Sally told me in that instant light seemed to flood her heart, and she saw something in her mind's eye that opened her spirit to this truth. She said, "Jesus showed me His cross. I was hanging on the cross with Him and those who abused me were standing around the cross. In my spirit I heard Jesus say, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Her voice broke and she said, "I knew then that because I was crucified with the Lord Jesus, I , in Him, had the ability to forgive all of those people." It was a remarkable picture I know only God can give, but I have seen it in counseling many times. Christ our friend gives us just the right piece of wisdom and strength to do what must be done. It was then that Sally, by God's grace, could forgive-every one of her abusers. She told me, "As I forgave my abusers, God's peace and joy rushed into my heart." She hadn't been able to do it on her own willpower, but as the power of the Holy Spirit and her new understanding of what Jesus did on the cross filled her mind and heart, she was set free. Jesus became Sally's Jehovah Shalom, "the Lord is peace." I have found over and over that even when we don't completely understand the reasons behind certain pain in our lives, Christ can open our minds and give us His understanding. That is often all we need. Something else happened in the counseling room that day. As Sally vividly described what the Lord was showing her, I also gained a new understanding of the Cross. I saw that because I am crucified with Christ, I have the same ability (through the power of the Holy Spirit) to forgive others as Christ does. When we forgive, we defeat Satan's grasp upon us through fear and bitterness. It's almost shameful to admit, but sometimes my counselees offer me the very counsel I need to solve a problem in my life. Prior to my session with Sally, there was one person whom I could not forgive. I had prayed, released, and scripturally done everything I know to do from a counseling standpoint. Yet there was still some bitterness in my heart toward this person. As Sally quoted Jesus, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do," it was as though I suddenly understood forgiveness on a new level in my heart, I spoke the words in my soul, "I forgive, Lord," and with astonishing force the bitterness melted away and a new love for this person took its place. I have found that God burns biblical truth into my heart by trials, pressure, meditation the Word, and time. That day, the Holy Spirit used a vivid picture of the cross to do a permanent work in the depth of my being. It's amazing it works that way, but I can tell you with real fervency that it is true. Jesus can even work in a melodic an calculating counselor's heart now and then! Remember, this battle we have entered is terrible. There are casualties on every side, and sometimes it seems as if Satan is winning on every front. But the greatest source of strength, understanding, personal integrity, holiness, and victory is there, in Jesus our friend of friends. He promises to be there no matter where we are or what we're facing. That is to me, both as a counselor and as a Christian, the bedrock truth of fighting back the forces of evil in this world. Truly, without Him, we can do nothing. But with Him, nothing is impossible. Dr. Ken Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.

Sweet Vengeance

"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves: but give place unto wrath, for it is written, vengeance belongs to me, I will repay, says the Lord." (Romans 12:20). The desire to get even has no place in the life of the believer. Christ gave the example; His followers are to forgive even as He forgave them (Colossians 3:13). There are those who will treat a Christian unkindly and often with purpose, and to retaliate is a natural response. But to turn the other cheek, to go the second mile, is Christlike. This kind of living can only be done through the filling and power of the Holy Spirit. The believer is to do his best to live at peace with all men and avoid giving offense to any. Rather than avenge himself of unjust attacks, he is to return good for evil. Any thought of taking revenge must be banished from the mind. Opposition, persecution, and hatred are to be repaid positively with good. Scripture makes it clear that revenge belongs to God, and to Him alone. God's way a avenging is infinitely better for all concerned and brings glory to Himself. As Christians we need to realize we live in a moral universe that is under the authority of God. We must not play God by seeking revenge for personal affronts. God has His way of dealing with offenders either through governmental authority (13:4) or in the final judgment. When we avoid avenging ourselves and return good for evil, we give God an opportunity to work. When we take revenge into our own hands we are apt to find that at the last it produces bitter fruit. When God avenges wrong it is not done with a retaliation which is so representative of human scheming. God avenges wrong with perfect equity and justice. For the Christian this is called Kingdom living. When it come to vengeance, remember He is God and you are not. Dr. Copley is available for counseling, conferences, and local church meetings.